Jonas Polsky

by Jonas Polsky

America is continually rocked by the injurious, and spiritually damaging comments by stand up comedians. These self-important laugh peddlers think that anything they say is somehow protected, and they can get away with offending the sensibilities of the audience, (and internet users who hear about it later).

Bad words, taboo subjects, and shocking, imaginary situations are spoken aloud that sometimes displeases paying customers.

It’s time to take a stand and proclaim “No more.” This self-expression in pursuit of entertainment has gone too far. You just can’t trust these people to always say something that everyone likes all the time, and we need to rein in their assault on the American public.

Sure, sure, they apologize, they donate, they beg for forgiveness afterward, but by then it’s too late. If anything, apologize BEFORE you say it. Apologize to the public with silence.

Remember, their apology means nothing, only the thing they said that you didn’t like has meaning, and they can never take that back. It’s eternal, and has to haunt them like a ghost forever.

We’ve been burned too many times, and simply can’t take the risk of letting anyone with an idea and a forum to run amok with their comedy “skits” that have the potential to shock.

Now, I would never suggest that we ban comedy outright, comics just need to be aware that there are six billion people in the world, and if even one of them doesn’t like a joke, they’ve failed.

Sure, the easy answer is to have a government agency screen, and pre-approve material before comedians are allowed to perform it. But sensibilities are subjective, and that government agent squiggling out unauthorized jokes may like something that I don’t cotton to, and vice versa.

Americans work hard, and we don’t always have time to listen to your act and express outrage about it. But you don’t even have to be offended, you can just think of someone that wouldn’t like it, like a kindly old grandmother, and be angry on their behalf.

We’re strong, we survived two world wars, the Vietnam conflict, and prevented assaults from several sand countries, but we can’t tolerate someone blurting out weird stuff whenever they want.

America needs time to heal. But it seems that as soon as we move on, another comedian says some awful, thoughtless thing that reopens the wound. And when you’ve torn off a scab too many times, eventually it leaves a scar.

I wish the answer was to be more tolerant of stand up comedians, but that will only exacerbate the problem. The only solution is to become hypersensitive, and complain about more things they say.

Get out to the club and shout down comedy bits. Don’t forget, they also use nonverbal communication, so you can be insulted when they look out at the crowd in a way you don’t like. Get angry with how they pause between jokes, slap a bottle of water out of their hands, interrupt, get mad. Get mad at everything, strike fear into their hearts. Buy a ticket to a comedy show and immediately demand a refund.

Protest, set clubs on fire, have a sit in (or sit out, or whatever) and slice comedy’s heart wide open. Make them terrified to say, or do anything, and finally, they can learn to censor themselves.

At that point comedy will be safe again. Nebulous, generic bits, filled with pronouns, and non-specific situations, stories without detail, manilla, khaki comedy that everyone can enjoy. Then, and only then, can we enjoy comedy without fear of being surprised.