Jonas Polsky

by Jonas Polsky

MC Hammer tweeted that his recent arrest was a “teachable moment.” Unfortunately, the only thing it teaches you is how to get arrested.

A new law in Montana allows drivers to eat any animals that they run over. Great news for people who like to eat roadkill, terrible news for people who get hit by cars.

The White House has warned that if budget cuts aren’t averted, wait times at the airport will be much longer. The wait times will be so long, it’ll be faster to walk.

Four people in Egypt were arrested for indecency after recording a “Harlem Shake” video. The men said of the arrest, that it was quote “totally not worth it.”

Thieves in San Diego stole a jukebox from Hooters because they thought it was an ATM. The confusion is understandable, because the jukebox only played songs by Eddie Money.

A woman in Pennsylvania was arrested for beating her boyfriend with a Furby and a PlayStation controller. Sadly, the man had been assaulted before, with a pet rock, Rubik’s Cube, and even strangled with a Slinky.

A “bikini coffee shop” in Washington is accused of performing stripteases for customers. Police began investigating when a customer spilled hot coffee into his lapdance.

In Florida, a woman was hit by an exploding bullet which was hidden in an oven. Police refused to enter the home after they noticed grenade in the washing machine.

(Topical Joke Takeover continues, thanks for reading!)

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