Jonas Polsky

by Jonas Polsky

Call me DJ Quickening, but there comes a time in every man’s life when he must take a break from referencing the 1986 film “Highlander” and stick his neck out for a head-chopping comedy interview that’s an electrifying cut above the rest.

He’s America’s premier Comedy Deejay and the planet’s foremost expert on musical humor; the one and only DJ Douggpound. Never one to be pinned to a career for too long, this multi-multi-hyphenate seemingly never stops working, but always has a moment for Boug, his canine companion.

Doug’s amorphous talents could fill ten LinkedIn profiles, but he never strays too far from his bread and butter, the beat-matching world of high stakes turntablism. I caught up with the singular D-Pound last night while deejaying at what appeared to be weeklong rave slash Parent Teacher Conference.

Outside “The Booth” I marveled through the lucite barrier as Doug manipulated a trio of Pioneer CDJ-1000s with the dexterity of a safecracker. The resulting sound was a deafening wall of bass that throbbed the dance floor and appeared at times, to bend the room.

Despite being a few inches from each other, (spare the protective deejay booth) the impenetrable soundscape precluded any traditional conversation, so we communicated via text. I was admittedly awestruck as Doug tapped away on his iPad, while absentmindedly mixing, and slap-chopping beats together with hilarious effect, while the crowd raged on into the early hours.

I was definitely in the mix, and the following was our conversation.

Jonas: Dougg, may I call you Dougg?

Dougg: I’d prefer you call me “Doug” if that’s alright.

Is there really such a thing as “Everlasting Bass”?

Only if you accept Cheesus Bass as your chord and savior.

You once famously tweeted that you weren’t able to place a lunch order with the hashtag, “Teddy Grahams for lunch?”, but there was never a follow up. What happened?

Sorry to leave you hanging on that, I had a burrito. But when the situation arises, I’m not afraid to reach for the Theodore Grahams, or the hunger pangs will getcha.

You’re something of a production Renaissance Man in that you can write, direct, produce, score and edit. Do you ever slow down?

Can’t do it, broach. Just yesterday I was at Subway and had to step behind the counter to show this so-called “Sandwich Artist” what easy mayo looks like.

Do you have any experience working with a RED camera?

No, but my mom re-gifted me with a Red Lobster gift certificate.

(Editor’s Note: The all-night rave has evolved into what appears to be a Dubstep Pilates class. Doug seamlessly changes gears, and blasts the jubilant crowd with the sounds they didn’t know they needed.)

Years back you discovered fame with your high stakes joke-off “Pound for Pound.” Do you still have the same one-hit punchline power to zing an opponent into oblivion?

In a live situation with my parents judging, yes.

Frequent collaborator Natasha Leggero went from relative obscurity to global fame hosting “Last Comic Standing.” Has super-stardom changed Natasha?

I think so, I haven’t seen her at TJ Maxx lately. We used to window shop there all the time.

Is it true that Johnny Pemberton laminated his face so he could stay young forever?

Nope, laminating ruins things, except lyrics. I used to laminate Wesley Willis’ lyrics at the Kinko’s on North Avenue in Chicago.

You’re the backbone of the net’s hottest new podcast, “The Champs.” Let’s get real for a second, how annoying is Neal Brennan?

Excruciatingly annoying, but in a sweet way. ;)

The people want to know, is the world really ending in 2012?

I’m trying my damnedest.

(Editor’s Note: The Dubstep Pilates course has given way to electro-bluegrass line-dancing and the crowd is now taking turns riding an electric bull with neon-blue LEDs flickering to the beat. Doug adapts the soundtrack to this change without thinking.)

In 2007, SuperDeluxe.com was a haven for alternative comedy programming. How did your show, “The Poundcast” contribute to SuperDeluxe’s demise?

The same way that My Bloody Valentine’s Loveless made Creation Records go bankrupt. When you make something that transcends all art and comedy, and basically creates a new form of entertainment, well, you’re bound to crack a few eggs.

You work on IFC’s “Portlandia” (Fridays 10/9c) which exists in an idealized Portland that’s trapped in the mid-1990s. If you could be trapped in one era, what would it be?

I would ride for Powell Peralta’s Bones Brigade and live in 1986 forever.

(Editor’s Note: The tempo of the party has changed again, and dancers are launching themselves from the electric rodeo bull onto a velcro wall. The music Doug has selected can only be described as Gabber-Calliope. Imagine carnival music at 600 beats-per-minute.)

You probably get asked this a lot but; You’re stuck on a desert island with Howard Kremer and Duncan Trussell. Who do you make out with, and why?

I’d make out with Duncan so I wouldn’t have to hear him talk! Kidding! I’d have to go with Howard Kremer, cause I’m an ass man.

What do people need to know about Doug Lussenhop that just isn’t out there yet?

I’m Banksy.

There you have it folks. Although you could spend a lifetime studying Doug and never fully understand him, we parted the velvet rope momentarily for a glimpse at his jet-setting, laugh-fueled existence that makes him truly unique.

There can be only one.

Follow Doug on twitter: https://twitter.com/douggpound

Check out “Portlandia” on IFC: http://www.ifc.com/shows/portlandia