Jonas Polsky

by Jonas Polsky

With every passing moment of every day, someone is being rejected. They’re being shut down for a date, denied a job, or not getting a door held open for them. Being rejected is a horrible feeling, and although I’ve spent most of my life trying to avoid situations where I can be rejected, I’ve endured more than my fair share.

In middle school a girl I was sitting with presented a pack of gum and handed a stick out to everyone except me, then put the rest of the gum away. Why did she do that? Her rationale was probably as simple as she liked me less than the other people. That hurt, it wasn’t fair, and it was almost a quarter of a century ago, but I never forgot it.

That’s life. That’s real life. The “Yay, You’re Special” love-fest that your parents deluded you with wasn’t supposed to be a philosophy you carried with you into adulthood. It ended the moment you stepped out of the cocoon of their home and into the real world.

There are plenty of reasons for the millions of just or unjust rejections you’ll face. Most of the time you’ll want something that you simply aren’t good enough for. We are all the worst judge of our own ability. You’ll likely always think you’re better than you truly are. That’s the ego propping us up to keep mankind from committing mass suicide.

Another reason you were rejected; it’s exclusive. The Nobel Peace Prize is given to one person each year. If everyone that recycled got a Nobel Peace Prize it would be worthless. It may seem shallow, but achievements in life have to protect their value and as a result not everyone gets them. That’s why when elementary schools print out “Participant” ribbons even children look at them with disgust.

Why else can you get rejected? Luck. Sheer luck. A sandwich shop offers ten free sandwiches, and you’re the eleventh person in the door. Nothing personal, just mathematics. When Joseph and Mary needed a hotel they were turned away. Why? Wasn’t Baby Jesus worthy of a room? Of course he was, moreso than anyone else, but they showed up too late, and had to sleep in a barn.

“But, but, why couldn’t they have just said yes?”, you may cry to yourself every night. Because, inclusion often has repercussions. If your boss interviewed four people for one job, and hired all four, the next day five people would be on the unemployment line. When you book a comedian on a show that isn’t up to snuff, you’ll get an email the next morning explaining why that comic is banned, and maybe you too. So even when someone shuts you down, it doesn’t mean they don’t think you’re good, or don’t like you, it’s that there’s a limited amount of resources. If they choose you against their better judgment, there could be consequences.

Rejection means you’re excluded, but it by no means makes you worthless. If I was in a sinking ship filled with money, and had to throw some overboard, I’d keep the hundreds and throw away the fifties. That doesn’t mean the fifty doesn’t have value, it’s really valuable, but in that situation it represented a hindrance.

You’ll infrequently be faced with a life-or-death situation like that, but ultimately you will bear the brunt of rejection, or have to reject someone else. Why do we have to reject others? Why do we elect a single president, and not everyone? One president is as many as we need, and all the other candidates, no matter how good, has to be a non-president. That’s the rule.

Life isn’t a meritocracy, there are a million factors that go into decision-making, some unconscious. You may have enough talent to be selected, but the person in charge wants to hire their childhood friend, or someone cooler, or better looking than you. In a situation where everyone has equal ability, some other factor kicks in to help the judge make a decision. That’s why beauty contests have a talent portion. In a field of near-equals the brain needs to find some other type of advantage to justify a winner.

Life is never a Care Bear hugfest where everyone comes in first place. Somebody always ranks second, and someone else is dead last.

The good news is there’s no reason to dwell on rejection, because there are hundreds more just around the bend. So grow up and move on to the next challenge and hope it works out.

If you don’t like being rejected, you could always ask your parents if you can move back to their house where everything you do is perfect. But be forewarned, they’ll probably say “NO.”