February 2012
21 posts
2 tags
Suggested Titles For Disney's "A.N.T. Farm"
by Jonas Polsky
“I got an ant farm, them fellas didn’t grow shit!” - Mitch Hedberg
I found out that Megan Amram writes for this Disney program “A.N.T. Farm” and I’m really excited for her in a strange way. Each episode cleverly incorporates the word “ANT” into the title so I came up with some for a rainy day.
SANTa Claus - Angus and Chyna help...
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Target versus "Showrooming"
by Jonas Polsky
This morning at the gym, I saw a newspaper* open to a business story about Target’s “fight” against the practice of showrooming. I had no idea what “showrooming” was, and gave it a look.
(*Did you guys know that newspapers are still around!?)
As it turns out, Target is complaining to vendors that customers visit their stores to demo products, then...
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Thoughts On Joke "Originality"
by Jonas Polsky
It was once said that “great minds think alike”, but I think someone had said it prior to that. As a comedian, or joke writer, you will find that people have already said, or will subsequently say jokes that you have thought of. There are an infinite number of possible jokes, but someone else’s mind will seize on the same angle, or punchline that you do.
...
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Understanding Comedy Writing: The Fallacy Of...
by Jonas Polsky
You can’t make this stuff up! Or can you?
Many stand up comedians shun the telling of jokes, preferring instead to relate true stories about their real life experiences. I don’t know everything about comedy, but so far I’ve never seen a comedian get an applause break for being honest.
Here’s something you may not know. Comedy is fake. Everything in...
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My Pathetic 'Borderlands' Misadventure
by Jonas Polsky
Last Summer I bought a copy of the game “Borderlands.” I had two options when buying it, for twenty dollars I could buy a downloadable copy of the game, or for thirty I could buy it at the store. The downside of downloading it is you can’t resell it when you’re done. The extra ten dollars would allow me to resell it, and net me the “Game of the...
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Jonas Polsky Investigates: DJ Douggpound
by Jonas Polsky
Call me DJ Quickening, but there comes a time in every man’s life when he must take a break from referencing the 1986 film “Highlander” and stick his neck out for a head-chopping comedy interview that’s an electrifying cut above the rest. He’s America’s premier Comedy Deejay and the planet’s foremost expert on musical humor; the one and only DJ Douggpound. Never one to be...
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The Pitfalls Of Professional Criticism
by Jonas Polsky
A critic is a person who provides an analysis on a work of art, be it a movie, book, album, or performance. Critics take their reviews very seriously, and are often the subject of criticism themselves, by the public, or creators of the art being reviewed.
Culture and critics alike appear to have lost sight of the function a review serves, and whether we should have them at all....
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Chris Brown vs. Rihanna: THE REMATCH!
by Jonas Polsky
“Love is a battlefield.” - Pat Benatar
Word in the celeb-o-sphere is that Rihanna has resumed dating Chris Brown after their explosive initial bout in February of ‘09. In this pre-Grammy mixed-martial arts event, Rihanna was humiliated on a worldwide stage after Chris Brown, punched, bit, and ultimately knocked out the Barbados-born scrapper. When the dust...
“First, do everything you have to do. Then do everything you want to do....”
– Jonas Polsky
Anonymous asked: Don't undersell yourself about "not having a popular Twitter feed". You have thousands of followers. You're sometimes included in "Best of" lists. Some important comedy writers follow you. And you consistently produce funny material each week. Stop fretting (openly) about stars. It comes off as needy (not funny). No one wants their arm twisted to laugh at or indulge a...
"Star" Wars
by Jonas Polsky
I’m not that popular on Twitter. I know that, and that’s fine. That being said, if I get 9+ stars for a tweet, it’s a big deal. I’m not a personality, I don’t share anything about my life. I’m in it purely to get laughs. Each star represents a laugh. If I post a tweet that gets two stars, then four people that did not star tell me they loved...
The Greatest Literary Transition of all Time?
(This is an article about a bill to prevent transgender people from using restrooms in Maryland. Here is the final paragraph, which then transitions into a different subject.)
“Let’s keep this simple: Transgender people should be allowed to use the public restrooms according to their gender identity. If they do something wrong while in there, they should be reported to the police....
“I’m not looking for attention, I’m looking for laughter.”
– Jonas Polsky
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Double-Booked
That’s a lot of Cee Lo Green.
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Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Con
by Jonas Polsky
Last summer, Awesome Show fans were traumatized by the absence of a fifth Awesome Con festival at Seaport Village in San Diego. Now Tim and Eric have a hit movie, new season of “Brule’s Rules”, and plenty to crow about! If it was up to me, this would be the schedule for the 2012 Awesome Con!
Farewell Roast of Richard Dunn
Fight back the tears of laughter, as...
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Unintended Consequences of Prop 8 Repeal
by Jonas Polsky
They warned you that legalizing gay marriage in California would have unintended consequences, but you didn’t listen. Here’s how your ignorance has changed life in America, forever.
Bush-era tax cuts for the rich are now permanent.
Children have to register as “straight” or “gay” by their third birthday.
Traffic signals will change colors at...
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Seinfeld Trivia
Kramer is very protective of his tan jacket that he claims attracts women. After stealing it back from his mother’s ex-boyfriend in “The Nose Job”, Kramer trades the jacket for what?
BONUS: What is the name of the episode that Kramer trades the jacket?
More trivia; Seinfeld has 180 episodes, every episode begins with the word “The” except one. What is the name...
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Unsolicited Onion Headlines 2/5/12
by Jonas Polsky
Biden Scores Another Free Denny’s Entree With Fake Birthday Scam
Wall-Less Prison Experiment Goes Horribly Right
Aziz Ansari Enters Self-Esteem Rehab
Gingerbread House Foreclosures Surge
Woman Pushing Truck Up Freeway Looked Scared
Horrible Flight Improved By Crying Baby
Non-Violent Video Games Linked To Pacifism
Super Bowl Viewer Eager To Learn More About...
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My WTF Podcast Petition
by Jonas Polsky
I started a petition for Marc Maron tonight, the details of which are below. If you agree, please click the link and “sign” and/or reblog/reshare this post. Thanks.
Dear Mr. Maron,
I am a devoted fan of your podcast “WTF with Marc Maron.” I’ve discussed the show many times with friends, and absolutely EVERYONE I’ve spoken to echoes the...
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"Jay" Apatow - The Power of Nightmares
A young Judd Apatow as Jay Leno on the second episode of “The Ben Stiller Show.”