January 2011
10 posts
The Hollywood Temp
Michael Ian Black (as Michael Ian White) stars as a down and out “never-was” trying to make it in show business.
He has no problem getting the job, keeping production from shutting down is the tricky part!
Each week Michael is faced with a new cast, new show format, and most of all, a new pink slip!
He knows where his next paycheck is coming from, somewhere else!
David Wain costars...
Vast Internet Deposits Discovered Below St Louis
Earlier this week the largest recorded deposit of internet was discovered below the city of St. Louis, Missouri. Employees of a local art gallery were digging up animal carcasses for use in gift bags and stumbled upon the find.
“We’d only dug a few feet and we were separating animal remains when suddenly we saw internet bubbling out of the ground.” The workers weren’t sure what it was at first.
“I...
“The nineties were a great time to be the white guy with mini-braids.”
– Jonas Polsky
3 tags
The time Doug Stanhope called me.
by Jonas Polsky
A few years ago I saw Doug Stanhope perform in my town. He brought Sean Rouse as his feature, and the opening act was a local rock/comedy duo that wasn’t funny and didn’t perform good music.
The audience shouted over them while waiting for the show to “start.”
I do some stand up and although I’m not great, I thought I would be more tolerable than...
An Open Letter to The Tonight Show Website Dear The Tonight Show Website, Thank you for keeping fans up to date on all of the happenings in the Jay Leno universe. The section of your website I’d specifically like to discuss is the “Latest From Jay” section. This portion of the site notably offers a transcript of monologue highlights from Jay’s comedy monologue. This...
Burger Blog 1. Five Guys Burgers
by Jonas Polsky
There are several cult burger restaurants that many people would quickly declare as “the best.” Tonight I set upon Five Guys Burgers and Fries for the first time to see how they fared.
This particular Five Guys is in a beach community, so I had to park three blocks away and walk to it. As I crossed one street, there was a mother holding a screaming baby and a stroller...
Gridiron Heroes
Today at the gym I was striding in place on the elliptical machine. A guy started using another elliptical and began encouraging, chastising, and commiserating with a group of strangers playing football on TV.
After a few minutes, he turned to ask, “Why aren’t you watching the game?” I say, “Oh, I don’t watch sports” to which he replied, “Yes you do!...
Deconstructing Modern Valley Girl-ese by Jonas Polsky In Modern Valley Girl parlance, no word is more important than the lynchpin adverb “randomly.” Sadly, through overuse, it has lost its meaning. In order to decipher Valley Girl-ese, let’s deconstruct the following statements and see if we can better understand what is being expressed. “Yesterday, I randomly ran into...
Features Twitter Probably Needs
1. Retweet with comment - The main reason people don’t use the retweet button is because they would lose the opportunity to add their critical “lol” or “smh.” Having a field to add a response to a retweet would eliminate primitive text retweets.
2. Default to a list - Twitter’s “Home” is your default feed showing everyone you follow. Most users...
Stupid Story
Just wanted to write this down before it disappears into my memory again.
I once did stand up on “television.” It’s an HD channel run by a handful of people that airs in a few places, Wales being one of them.
There was no audience, so I convinced them to bring the staff in to the studio so there would be laughs.
There were about twelve people watching.
I start off, and the...